Let’s talk about what to do when family rejects you.
There’s nothing like being rejected by someone who was supposed to love and protect you. Family rejection has a greater impact on your emotional and spiritual well-being than any other rejection.
My story of dealing with this type of rejection is unique. God didn’t allow me to move away from those who abused me.
Instead, He helped me to face rejection head on. Although this came with a lot of pain, there is purpose because I can now share some insight with you.
In this post, we’ll talk about why God allows rejection, understanding family rejection trauma, what to do when family rejects you, and more.
This post will be all about what to do when family rejects you.
Are you ready? Let’s geaux!
Understanding Family Rejection Trauma
When you are rejected by Family almost immediately you begin to blame yourself. You start to think things like if only I would have said this or if I wouldn’t have done that, maybe it wouldn’t have gotten to this point.
The truth is family rejection isn’t about you at all and there’s nothing that you could have done to stop it.
When someone rejects you, it’s a reflection of their shortcomings and their inability to see past themselves.
Going inward is the way we try to find the reason why something occurred, but what if the explanation to why remains unknown.
In my own experience, I spent years trying to figure out why my parents constantly rejected me. I am still under their roof and what I can tell you is that I still have no definite answer to why.
All I know is that this rejection wasn’t a reflection of my self-worth. It actually revealed where I needed to extract my true Confidence from.
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God And Rejection
People usually say that you have to move away from the environment that wounded you, but God kept me in it.
What happens when God actually implies that He is behind the rejection?
Rejection is painful, but pain’s sole purpose is to help you to remember your God-given identity.
All pain should point to purpose.
Think about it: If you never experienced family rejection you never would have known God the way that you do today.
What if family rejection is a way that God uses to break up the foundation of false identity? Your family isn’t where you truly come from.
You are their child, niece, nephew, grandchild, and/or cousin, but you were God’s daughter or son from the very beginning.
Your identity will always be God’s daughter or son. Remember that you are a spirit, you possess a soul, and you live inside of the body.
The body that your parents produced is their child, but all three components that make you up belong to God.
Rejection may have come for you, but it can only pass through you so that purpose can be born.
Why God Allows Rejection
Rejection is God’s way of breaking up faulty ground. When something is faulty it goes along an unintended route, instead of following the original path in which it belonged.
Family can easily become an idol. This isn’t an attempt to excuse anything you may have endured.
Abuse of any kind is wrong and your feelings are valid.
I just want to give you an alternative perspective because it’s easy to get caught up in thinking that it’s you versus them.
God allows things like rejection to happen for you. It’s always for you to see Him.
The rejection you have or are currently experiencing can help you to grow personally and spiritually. It can deepen your faith and trust in God.
Rejection prepares you to be able to walk alone. It can solidify your allegiance to God and refine your character.
It can humble you and teach you to be more compassionate and empathetic.
God doesn’t allow rejection to pass through you without the intention of it producing purpose.
The reason why many of us get stuck is because we allow the feelings of rejection to overcome us when we’re meant to overcome them.
How Can You Overcome Feelings Of Rejection
Disappointment and rejection will happen in this life. There are truly many layers of pain that human beings face on the day-to-day basis.
What I want to remind you of is that rejection doesn’t mean that you’re unlovable or that true love can’t exist in your world.
Rejection has colored your idea of who you are, but it’s time to choose to overcome it.
1. God Chose You
Ephesians 1:4 NIV-For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight.
Your position and identity in Christ never changed. You have always been wanted, accept it, one, and blameless in God’s sight.
There was nothing that you could have done to earn this because this is a truth that was set up and rooted in God before time.
The reason why you could exist and overcome this rejection is because you were complete before you were sent to this realm.
Let this truth of being chosen settle into your soul.
Affirm Yourself: I was chosen before the foundation of the world.
{RELATED POST: Accepting God’s Forgiveness: 6 Keys For Your Personal Healing Journey}
2. God Is Greater Than Your Feelings
1 John 3:20 NLT-Even if we feel guilty, God is greater than our feelings, and he knows everything.
Feelings matter but they are not always factual. When you live by your feelings you will always find yourself in pain.
Man was always supposed to be Spirit led. The reason why we fall victim to the flesh and our soul is because we fell (Genesis 3).
Now we have the chance to follow the Spirit again.
The longer you keep the focus on you you’ll develop a victim’s mentality.
You’re not a victim anymore. It’s now your responsibility to respond by adopting God’s perspective and following His direction.
Affirm Yourself: My feelings are valid, but my God is greater.
{RELATED POST: Faith Not Feelings: 9 Strategies To Trust God Beyond Emotion}
3. Becoming A Disciplined One Shows You The Truth
John 8:31-32 ESV-So Jesus said to the Jews who has believed, “If you abider in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth will set you free”.
Discipline is often spoken of when it comes to productivity for self-improvement. Waking up early, going to the gym, taking the initiative, setting goals, and listening for example.
What if being a disciple of Christ is the first priority?
All of the things for productivity and self-improvement are great but they don’t reveal the truth that can set you free.
Becoming a disciplined one looks like going to God for comfort instead of food or a person. It looks like making time every day to spend time with Christ.
Being a discipline one isn’t just about going to church. It’s about putting the word into practice and desiring to know the true concept of God’s original purpose for life.
Affirm Yourself: I will prioritize what really matters which is seeking the kingdom and his righteousness
The truth is…God handpicked the families we would be in. I personally believe that we agreed before arriving on Earth because deep down inside we already knew that through Christ we would overcome. This life is just a huge lesson, a way to physically experience God, and remember that we are one with Him. To overcome family rejection…we have to trust Him. The Everyday Trust Fall Mini Bundle was designed to help us to embrace His loving hand. Click the image below to get yours today!
4. Suffering Is A Part Of Salvation
Philippians 2:12 ESV-Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.
Salvation isn’t just the act of being saved. The Bible says that we are to work out our own salvation with fear and truly trembling.
This means to continue to be one with Christ by imitating His humility. Jesus experienced rejection and in order to share in His glory, you must also participate in His sufferings.
Even if the rejection wasn’t orchestrated by God, He will always use it for your good and the well-being of others (See Joseph’s story).
5. There Is Purpose Within This Pain
2 Corinthians 4:17-18 NIV-For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
When a seed is placed into the ground, something interesting happens. It’s watered until it’s broken open to bring forth life.
The seed is only broken so that all of it’s potential could be seen and given to the world.
6. Purpose Is Actually Now
Matthew 2:11 NIV-On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh.
We love to think that purpose is in the future, but Jesus was born a king.
He didn’t become a king after the cross. He was born into the physical realm as a king and this was always His territory.
The same goes for you. You are exactly who God called you to be even while facing rejection.
The rejection is just being used to expose who you really are.
7. Christ Is With You
Matthew 28:20 NLT-Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.
You’re not alone in any of this. There are people who will never understand, but Christ’s Spirit is inside of you.
You do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with your weaknesses, but one who has been tempted in every way, just as you are, yet He did not sin (Hebrew 4:15 NIV).
He knows a thing or two about rejection so pick His brain. Ask Him what He’s trying to show you.
Tell Him to reveal where He is and who you’ve always been.
Pull on the One who went before you and endured it all before He sent you to this realm.
When family rejects you, it messes with your self-esteem. I know I have personally felt that something was wrong with me and that I was disposable. I am partnering with God to salvage my self-esteem. Listen, only the Creator can define His creation. None of your experiences can define you. If you are looking to salvage your self-esteem and live your life the way God intended…click the image below to grab the Salvaging Self-Esteem Mini Bundle now.
12 Steps To Take When Family Rejects You
1. Consult God
Joshua 9:14-16 NLT-So the Israelites examined their food, but they did not consult the Lord. Then Joshua made a peace treaty with them and guaranteed their safety, and the leaders of the community ratified their agreement with a binding oath. Three days after making the treaty, they learned that these people actually lived near by!
To consult means to seek information or advice from someone. If we’re honest, we don’t always consult God first thing.
What if from now on, we can seek God before responding or going to anyone else for help?
2. Feel Your Feelings
Psalm 55:22 NLT-Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.
Feelings can be overwhelming especially when you’ve been dealing with rejection.
It’s easy to try to mask or suppress them, but that will only prolong your healing journey.
In order to truly heal, you must allow yourself to feel your feelings.
You may be uncomfortable for a while, but just imagine how much better you’ll feel on the other side of this.
{RELATED POST: Faith Not Feelings: 9 Strategies To Trust God Beyond Emotions}
3. Stay Planted Until He Gives You Direction
Jeremiah 29:11 NLT-For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
God’s plan for you is greater than you can imagine. What if the end of this results in restoration of your entire bloodline?
God doesn’t always remove us from the places we don’t like. Sometimes His plan is to remodel and repair you and everyone around you.
4. Seek God For Healing, Comfort, And Self-Care
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NLT-All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others.
God is the Source of compassion and all comfort. There are times when we don’t know what we need, but God always knows.
Before you book that spa day, take some time to ask God what you should do.
5. Let Go Of Blame
Psalm 46:10 NLT-Be still and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world.
Assigning someone responsibility for the rejection isn’t going to help you in your healing.
It’s so easy to blame them or yourself, but what if your focus was to simply heal?
It’s natural to go through the cycle of blame, but there is a point when you have to let it go completely.
6. Set Some Healthy Boundaries
Proverbs 2:11 NLT-Wise choices will watch over you. Understanding will keep you safe.
A boundary is meant to protect your emotional, mental, and physical needs.
Learning to clearly communicate that something made you feel uncomfortable is a great starter boundary.
7. Prioritize Your Life
Matthew 6:33 NLT-Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.
According to Jesus every one of us should prioritize our lives around two things: The Kingdom and His righteousness.
Once we prioritize the Kingdom and righteousness, His promise is that all other things will be added unto us.
8. Focus On What God Has Given You
Hebrews 12:2 NLT-We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne.
There is always something positive that we can focus on. What is that thing for you?
Focus on that one thing that God has given you and keep going to Him.
Your healing will follow your obedience.
9. Position Yourself For More
Mark 2:22 NLT-And no one puts new wine into old wineskins. For the wine would burst the wineskins, and the wine and the skins would both be lost. New wine calls for new wineskins.
Sometimes our prayers go unanswered because we haven’t positioned ourselves for what we’ve prayed for.
Why would God bless us with more when we aren’t ready for it?
If you’re still holding onto the old, how could you possibly be ready for the new?
10. Maintain Peace
John 16:33 NLT-I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.
Peace is quiet confidence that God has everything under control.
It is the opposite of worry.
The way you maintain peace is by continually stirring yourself up in the truth of His word and expecting Him to come through for you.
11. Extract The Lessons
Philippians 4:9 NLT-Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me. Everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.
What is God teaching you through the rejection? Are there any patterns that you’ve been able to see?
What is it that you’ve been able to learn about yourself through the rejection?
12. Treat Them With Love And Respect
Romans 12:17 NLT-Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable.
I know that they may not treat you with love and respect. Unfortunately people abuse what they don’t understand.
It’s not an excuse for their behavior, but you know better so you must do better. Let God shape you into the person that He made you to be.
He made you to love and respect everyone just as He loves and respects you.
You never know how allowing His love to flow through you will change the environment you’re in.
God didn’t take me out of the home I was abused and rejected in. Instead, He helped me to face the rejection head on which is why I am able to write this today. Everyday hasn’t been easy, but I have been able to see God work within me as well as in my family.
This post was all about what to do when family rejects you.
If You Enjoyed This Post, You’ll Love These:
7 Keys To Improve Low Self-Esteem
4 Best Ways To Stop Intrusive Thoughts
Rejection From Family: 7 Tips To Move Forward And Heal
Forgiving Yourself: 5 Steps to Forgive Yourself God’s Way
5 Keys For Overcoming A Victim’s Mentality
Before You Go…Let’s Recap
A quick recap of how to overcome feelings of rejection:
- Acknowledge the hurt
- Pray for those who persecute you
- Seek God for guidance
- Process your feelings
- Reframe the rejection
- Remind yourself that it isn’t personal
- Forgive often
You can overcome feelings of rejection in Jesus name! These steps can and will help you as they are helping me. Which step can you practice this week? Let’s chat about it in the comments down below.
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Always remember that you’re destined to win because He got up!
-Devyn Janae
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