Hey Bestie! Let’s talk about the rules of dating.
Within the world, it seems as if less people are dating and more people are getting busy. There’s been talk about how the “dating pool” isn’t swimmable anymore.
According to the experiences of many women and men, it seems as though the waters are now polluted! I hope you don’t lose hope despite all the chatter.
If you’re someone who is looking to date and you’re seeing the “pool”; don’t be discouraged. Remember we are a people of faith, so if you seek, you’ll find.
Nine times out of ten, there are many people who are like minded and are looking to date with the intention of friendship and marriage.
Don’t lose hope Bestie; just continue to grow and watch God work!
This post will be all about the rules of dating.
Are you ready? Let’s geaux
What Is Dating
First off, you’re royalty (1 Peter 2:9). Do you understand this truth about yourself? A royal person doesn’t just simply date; they enter into a courtship.
A courtship is something two people enter into with the intention of building. Now don’t get it twisted, when courting you don’t have to automatically know that you want to marry the person you’re courting.
Let’s take the pressure off of ourselves Besties! From youth, many of us are conditioned with the idea of marriage especially when one gets involved in Christianity.
Going into a courtship, your intentions should be to build with the person. The very first thing to build is a friendship.
Friendship is the foundation of all relationships including the one you have with God. I want you to really think about your relationship with God for a second.
Did he pursue you with pushiness or did he gently befriend you and baby step you into obedience? From my own experience with him, he didn’t start with telling me what to do.
What he did was meet me where I was at the time. I was into music and Instagram so he began to pursue me in a way I could receive him.
Fast forward to now, him and I still have the foundation of friendship, but I now am able to trust him as Abba as well. And the process will continue.
My point is when starting a relationship with someone…don’t lead with marriage. Put marriage in your pocket and put friendship on the table.
Your established friendship will be a catalyst to your one day marriage.
What Is Considered A Date
To keep things concise, I will use the word date throughout the remainder of this post. You now know that you’re royalty and that you enter into courtship so let’s discuss what’s considered a date.
There was a viral list going around social media of where not to take a woman on a first date. The places included the movies, bowling, somewhere that requires a long drive, ice cream dates and restaurants like Chipotle, Cheesecake factory, and Applebee’s.
Honestly Besties, this was a major distraction. I want to submit something to you: Remember to have your own mind.
What if the person you’re dating really enjoys going to the movies? Or what if a man created a beautiful date for you that aligns with the authenticity that you’re not aware of yet?
Don’t follow social media because nine times out of ten, posts like these are distractions that will lead you to push away the person you’re destined to be with.
Also, who said dates are only for women? Aren’t men also going on these dates? Consider them.
So What Is A Date
A date is any outing that you agree is a date. Ladies, if a man asks you to go on a date and you agree to go; it’s a date.
It doesn’t become any less of a date because its not instagrammable or it wasn’t what you expected it to be. Also dates don’t have to be lavish and expensive, especially a first date.
A date is about being and getting to know a person with the intentions of building. It’s not about the amount of money spent.
A question I have for you is this: Are you “dating” for other’s approval or are you “dating” with purposed intention?
7 Questions To Ask Yourself Before Dating
Going on a first date is pretty exciting. Despite what social media may tell you; a first, second, or even fiftieth date doesn’t have to be expensive or over the top.
It’s extremely important to understand the purpose of dating BEFORE dating however. Here are some questions to ask yourself before dating:
- Why do I want to date?
- Am I trying to fill a void or run away from loneliness?
- Is dating something that I want to do because everyone else has their person?
- Has social media made me want to date before I’m actually ready?
- What makes me ready to date?
- Am I completely whole in God?
- Did I truly heal from my last relationship?
God wants you to be whole in him before jumping into the “dating pool”.
A key tip when dating is to truly get to know yourself and the person you’re dating. This will help you gauge who you are becoming in this experience and if you want to move forward to build with this person.
7 Foundational Rules Of Dating
There are rules of dating. Now these aren’t step by step rules, but they are more of the foundational principles of dating.
1. Have A Solid Relationship With God
This principle should be first in everything you do. Your relationship with Jesus is the most important thing because he is your Source.
Just as the plants must remain attach to the ground and the fish must remain in the water; you must remain connected to God.
Everything you are and will ever need is in Jesus and he can show you how to date, court, and be in a marriage much better than any person can.
Remember he knows you because he created you. Your dating experience is supposed to be unique to you and your person, but it all stems from your relationship with God.
2. Have A Solid Relationship With Yourself
This is just as important as your relationship with God because you are god. Everything that God is; you are because you came out of him.
When you have a true relationship with God, he always turns the mirror onto you. He wants you to get to know yourself through him!
Your real life is with Christ in God (Colossians 3:3). Are you aware of who you are god/goddess? You are made in his image after his likeness.
To start a relationship with yourself, you’ll need to practice spending time alone. You will then learn to romanticize those moments.
3. Date With Intention
Remember you’re royalty. Everything about your lineage screams royal. God, the King of all kings, birthed you from his loins so by default you are royal!
So act like it! With that being said, you must also be aware that the person you’re dating is also royal whether they know it or not.
It is your duty to treat them accordingly even if they act otherwise. This is an opportunity to build with the person of the opposite sex.
4. Take Things Slow
Building anything takes time and patience. Again release the pressure of marriage by putting it into your pocket.
This is the time to build a friendship. Get to know the person for who they are without the added pressure.
5. Make Sure You’re Healed
I want to say this first: The person you’re going to be dating is not the last person you dated. If you aren’t healed from your previous hurt, you absolutely aren’t ready to date again.
When you’re wounded, the body needs time and rest so that it can focus on healing. Your soul is the thing that’s in need of healing.
Let God heal you so that you don’t project onto others!
6. Don’t Take Things Personal
You won’t know the person you’re dating. They may do something that you don’t like. It doesn’t mean that you should cut them off or dislike them based on your limited view of them.
Use your discernment and follow the Spirit always. If you genuinely think you need to move on, communicate this to the person.
7. Always Communicate (Even If You’re Scared Of Hurting Someone’s Feelings)
It doesn’t matter what culture does or says, ghosting someone is wrong. If you don’t want to continue pursuing a relationship then you need to let that person know with your words.
On the flip side, understand again that the person you’re dating is also getting to know you and themselves as well. It’s not all about you.
It’s important that you know that and are able to communicate and come to an understanding. Communication and understanding is crucial because you can speak the same language but that doesn’t mean you understand each other.
Also you don’t want any huge surprises down the line so talk things out as much as you can; not in fear but in faith!
This post was all about the rules of dating.
Remember you’re destined to win because he got up!
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